3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
What drink are we having for lunch?
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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