she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
