My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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