I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
It's shark week go big or go home
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
