she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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