God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
