the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
