he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Randomize
