I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
you had me at cake vodka
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
You dont lie about slip and slides
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
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