there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
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