If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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