I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
