sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
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