She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
