sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
