i permit you to call me
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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