yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Randomize
