Who wears a wallet chain?!
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
