Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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