I just saw a hot homeless man
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
