We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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