What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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