I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Randomize
