Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
