Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Randomize
