I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
