You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
You're a waste of cheezeits
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Randomize
