I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I want to make a zoo with you.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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