so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
