I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
