Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Randomize
