I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize