He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
