good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
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