My boss' voice literally gives me gas
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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