who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
