but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
