Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
