sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
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