I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
