i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
