No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
