please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
