One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
