I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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