About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
