You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize