so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
