I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
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