do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
