This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
