i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
