sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
