You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Randomize
