You're completely useless in the revolution.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
