just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
