If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
