I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
