thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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