There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Don't EVER smell your tampon
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
