So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
