well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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