btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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