so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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