2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Less talking, more tequila
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Randomize
