Ok let me ask a question, does aderall make women less apt to have sex?
Cause it just destroys penises
Was that inappropriate? I can't gauge these things anymore
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
