the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
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