Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
