Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
