my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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