I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
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