Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
