I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
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