I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
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