It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
