You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
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