I am spending my child support on dildos
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
