My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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