i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
