Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
