Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
i think i just lost a toe
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
