if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
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