____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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