im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Randomize
