the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
So much rum. So many feels.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
