is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
