She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
