I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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