In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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