hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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