Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
