I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
