I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
