TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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