Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
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