I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
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