My hand turned me down
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
