Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
