I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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