Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
