I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
We have started to decorate penises.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Randomize
