No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
