Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Randomize