We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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