chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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