i need an iv and a liver transplant
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Randomize
