I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
