**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
