If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize