Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Help. Why am I so naked?
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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