ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
