I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Randomize
