Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
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